DAY 1: Core 40-Nob Hill

God. I really didn’t want to go to this class. My sister told me it was difficult and my other friend said her friend swears by this insane workout. Well, I signed up and they charge you if you cancel within 12 hours of the start time, so there no backing out. I’m also the cheap kind of person who demands they get their “money’s worth” (strangely paradoxical in this case I know), so my cheap principles forced me to suck it up. I had so much anxiety the whole day thinking about this class. Would I fail miserably? Would people judge me and think, “WTF is this noob doing here?! Go back to your Costco 24 hour fitness membership and quit taking up space for the serious people”. Yep, all my insecurities were raging at me to not step foot in this upscale Pilates studio. The internal struggle was pretty fucking real here people. But I went anyways.

            The instructor was nice and accepting. She tried to be as encouraging as possible since she knew it was my first time. I got on the reformer, which to me looked like a flat demon with wheels and pulleys. Holy hell why was I doing this to myself again? Oh that is right. I’m a fat lazy turd that keeps wallowing in self-hatred. So I got my flabby ass on that demon platform. Then I fell through the platform within the first three minutes of class causing a ruckus, and forcing the teacher to run to my side to make sure I was okay. Great. Well she had to make some modifications so I couldn’t hurt/embarrass myself again and it was back off to the races once more. Damn. The whole time I was shaking and sweating. There were muscles in my butt I didn’t even know existed shaking like those horrible Jell-O molds. Other people struggled as well though, and I tried to keep my inner judgmental self in check. There was a teacher on the platform next to me and even she struggled with a few of the moves (this may or may not have been due to Super Bowl 50 being the previous day and most people were supremely hung over on Monday). So I kept struggling and 40 minutes later it was gloriously over. HALLELUJAH. I was dying people. Dying. Call me pathetic because at this point I was seriously an awful sight. I could hardly walk home I was so spent and wobbly. The instructor came up to me and asked me what I thought and reassured me I did a great job for my first time (right lady, I know you’re being nice but let us remember I fell through the machine and ate it hard within the first three minutes). I put my shoes back on and wobbled home to go crawl into my bed and die. Then I remembered: fuck I have another class tomorrow.